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Perhaps, deep down, they yearn for their fathers' love and approval, but fear disappointing them by not being the man they expected them to be. Thus it is no wonder that the boys in the study for my book: Coming Out, Coming Home: Helping Families Adjust to a Gay or Lesbian Child, recalled being so reactive and fearful of the responses of their fathers-the very people who were expecting them to receive and carry the torch of masculinity.įor sons, paternal disapproval is a particularly bitter pill to swallow. A boy growing into a gay man will get the message loud and clear that he is weak, dirty, and, perhaps worst of all, less than a man.
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However, go to places where men and boys congregate such as schoolyards, sports fields, fraternity houses, and locker rooms in this country and you will hear taunts such as "You're a sissy!" "That's so gay." "Hey c*cksucker!" or "Wow, you really got f*cked in the *ss on that play!" Sex between males is seen as an act of violence and domination rather than an expression of love, affection, or mutual pleasure, and this mocking, whether it is done playfully or with hostile intent, is meant to degrade a man by deriding his manliness. Initially, the assertion that homophobia plays center stage in men's masculine self-concept may seem rather extreme.